Summary: Strong relationships come from trusting your intuition, letting go when something isn’t right, and accepting your partner as they are rather than trying to change them. By prioritizing your connection, showing consistent appreciation, and investing intentional effort, you can build a healthier and more fulfilling partnership.

It’s Not You – It’s Me… Or Is It?

Listen, getting it right in a relationship can be tough – sometimes it can almost feel impossible. The reality is, it doesn’t have to be. There’s neuroscience behind how we as humans fall in love and choose our partners. And if you use it, you can save yourself a lot of time (and heartache). Even people already in committed relationships can benefit from understanding the science behind love and make better, informed decisions that will enhance their most important relationship: the one with themselves.

When Is It Time to Let Go of a Relationship?

Harsh – but true. One of the worst things you can do in a relationship is drag it on longer than you should. This is particularly prevalent among women in my experience, and there is a component of this that is a holdover from our hunter-gatherer times, when companionship meant survival and loneliness meant death or suffering. The desire to cling to relationships that no longer work can be deep-rooted, but more often than not, there is that little voice in your head telling you “something’s not right.” Ignoring this intuition does nothing to serve you. It costs you energy, resources, and most importantly, time that you will never get back.

The idea of “failing fast” is often celebrated in the business world, and we should apply the same concept to personal relationships. If your gut instinct is telling you that a relationship is not viable, it may be time to gather the courage to let go. Be bold and move forward. Life is limited, and especially if you have hopes of starting a family, time is of the essence.

How Do You Know If Someone Is Right For You?

Intuition is powerful, and it is scientifically valid. Trust it.

Just because someone is perfect on paper does not mean that they are perfect for you. And that is OK. If your subconscious is letting you know that things aren’t quite right, it is reasonable to explore why. Our brains are constantly processing information, both big, obvious inputs and small, innocuous ones. Your intuition is the product of your brain synthesizing all of this information, some of which you may not even be consciously aware of. leading you away from unsuitable partners.

My one caution about trusting your intuition is that if you are a person with a history of unhealthy relationships or trauma, your “inner compass” might be skewed. Be kind, but honest with yourself. If you feel that previous experiences and patterns are consistently making themselves known in your current relationships, then perhaps seeking some counselling or other support would be a great way to work through those.

Should You Try to Change Your Partner?

Entering a relationship with the intention of changing your partner is a sure way to lead to conflict. If you can’t embrace your partner as they are in the moment, they may not be the right fit for you. There is a difference between growing and bettering yourselves together and fundamentally wanting to change someone. Improvement is healthy when self-initiated, not imposed or required by the person who is supposed to love you.

For example, if you are an active person who loves to hike and swim every week, but your partner is more of a homebody who enjoys indoor pastimes like reading and painting, you should not try to change them to fit your lifestyle. Accept that you like different things and find a common interest to bond over. If you absolutely require your partner to do those things with you, then in all honesty, you may not be with the right one.

How Do You Make a Relationship Last Long Term?

You need to put your partner and your relationship first if you want long-term success. Maybe second, but only to yourself!

There is only so much time in the day, and you need to use some of it to consistently foster your relationship and connection. If you are always blowing your partner off to go out with friends, or staying late for after-work drinks, etc., you are creating distance that you might not be able to come back from. It should go without saying that you do not need to spend every waking moment with your spouse, but if you are only seeing them at the margins of the day (right before they leave for work, or only in the evening when you watch TV), things are not going to look good for you long term. Relationships require intentional investment, and channelling your energy into cultivating the connection is more beneficial in the long run.

How Do You Show Appreciation in a Relationship?

It doesn’t always have to be big and flashy, but it needs to be consistent. Small acts of appreciation enhance relationship satisfaction significantly. Something simple like, “I saw this, and I thought of you,” goes a long way. Thoughtful actions, words of gratitude, or support are all ways of ensuring your partner feels valued every day, and this is instrumental in maintaining a strong and loving connection.

What is the Key to a Happy Relationship?

There is science to how we love, and there is science behind how we can love better. By trusting your intuition, being bold enough to “fail fast”, accepting the things you cannot change, and being your partner’s biggest fan, you will be well on your way to a long and happy partnership – if that’s what you want!

What do you think the key to a great relationship is?

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About the Author

Wall Street Journal bestselling author. Neuroscientist. Keynote speaker.

Friederike Fabritius is a neuroscientist, Wall Street Journal bestselling author, and keynote speaker who translates cutting-edge brain science into actionable leadership strategies for Fortune 500 organizations. Author of Wall Street Journal bestseller The Brain-Friendly Workplace, and the award-winning The Leading Brain, Friederike is recognized as a trailblazer in neuroleadership, helping executives think sharper, innovate faster, and lead through complexity. A LinkedIn Top Voice who is quoted frequently in the media, Friederike has been featured in Harvard Business Review, The Wall Street Journal, Forbes, and Newsweek, among many others. Friederike has built a community of over 50k professionals through her LinkedIn audience and “The Brain-Friendly Newsletter”.

Friederike consistently earns speaker ratings of 4.9 out of 5 and Net Promoter Scores over 90%. Her outstanding audience feedback is why her clients ask her to return to them again and again.

Are You Loving Wrong? Neuroscience Insights For A Strong Relationship.